Nancy Kim Parsons

Interview by Tara Kim

Tara Kim: I would love to hear about how you were inspired to make Adopted.

Nancy Kim Parsons: The path that led to Adopted began with Barb and I sharing our personal adoptee experiences with each other. The conversation evolved into a common curiosity about adoption today, and with the growing population of Asian adoptees in New York City, the curiosity lingered. We were interested to know how their experiences would be both different and the same as ours. In the summer of 2005 we attended the KAAN (Korean American Adoptee Adoptive Family Network) Conference in Detroit and it was there we began shooting.

Tara: When searching for families to include in Adopted, you spoke to several families all over the country. What made you choose these two particular families to be featured in the film?

Nancy: Because our goal was to follow a couple through the whole adoption process, we knew we had to go in with a clear intention and be able to communicate our expectations to the potential couples. We knew that it was a possibility for the couple to back out of filming due to the stress of the adoption process along with the camera and crew being too intrusive, so it was essential for them to have a deep understanding of why we were making the film, and why they were choosing to be in it.

We chose the Trainer’s because of how open and willing they were to share what they didn’t know even though they were subjecting themselves to judgment and criticism from the audience. Furthermore, they are just likable people. We felt our audience would be able to see themselves in the Trainer’s and learn by watching them.

The Fero family came on board later as a result of an initial interview with Jennifer and her father. It was because of Jennifer’s incredible articulation that we decided to ask her if she and her family would be willing to be in the film. I think it is important for people to know that it was Judy, Paul and Eric’s love for Jennifer that moved them to agree to participate in the film. Although “love is not enough” it can move you do many things as it did the Fero’s who were very private people.

I think the willingness for both families to reveal their ignorance and naïveté so others could learn from them took tremendous courage, humility and generosity and we are forever grateful to them.

Tara: To what extent, if any, do you feel the Trainer and Fero family’s experiences were affected by the presence of the cameras or film crew?

Nancy: Naturally, having a camera follow everything you do would make anybody feel self-conscious and inhibit a person’s behavior and what he or she says. The first several shoots were really just about establishing a relationship and trust. We wanted each family to understand that our purpose was to teach, not to make anybody look bad. Furthermore, we wanted to give them a little time to get used to the constant presence of the camera. The Trainer’s didn’t take long to be comfortable with the camera and were quite natural from the beginning. Because the Fero’s were extremely private and were dealing with terminal illness, it took a little longer, but in time they were able to feel fairly comfortable. Fortunately, we were able to do a lot of shooting with each family and so we were able to capture many authentic and poignant moments.

Tara: On your website www.adoptedthemovie.com, the Director/Producer Barb Lee asks a question at the end of her vision statement. She asks, “Are you sure you are ready for this kind of family?” How much of the film was inspired by the desire to demonstrate to prospective adoptive families how complex transracial adoption can be?

Nancy: Families deal with conflict and dysfunction whether they are created biologically, through adoption or both. Our intention was to shed light on the added layers of complexity that come with international/transracial adoption. Parenting a child to have a strong sense of self and to become a fully self-actualized person is a huge challenge and it becomes even more challenging when you add loss, grief, birthparents, identity formation and racism into the mix. We want families to know this requires a specific kind of parenting and to empower them with the knowledge and the resources they will need to parent an adopted child.

Tara: As a Korean adoptee, I strongly identified with Jennifer in so many ways. However, you don’t need to be adopted, or even be a member of the adoption constellation for this film to have a profound impact on you. What sort of feedback have you received from those who have seen Adopted?

Nancy: The search for identity is a universal experience and it is a journey that every person can identify with. The question of where we come from and where we belong are natural in the quest for identity. Many adoptive parents were honest, and whether they had a four year old or a twenty-four year old, have said they saw themselves in both the Trainer’s and the Fero’s. The feedback we have received from adult adoptees has been that Jennifer Fero was able to articulate feelings and emotions many have never been able to express for themselves. Finally, several non-adopted people have said they can relate to Jennifer’s sense of not belonging and to the complex dynamics and relationships in any family unit.

Interestingly, the principal factor that has influenced a person’s ability to relate to Jennifer and the film has been having some personal connection to adoption. Several people who saw the film and who had no connection to adoption or any awareness of the issues, felt Jennifer was bullying her parents and that she should just be grateful. Through many conversations with people outside the adoption community I have come to understand that the prevailing perception is that adoption is a wonderful thing… and it is. However, there is a general lack of understanding of the complex issues that come with it. We realize how much adoption education is needed in the world, especially with the growing numbers of adoptive families in the U.S. and Europe, and hope that Adopted is making a contribution.

Tara: This is such an important film. People will be watching and learning from it for years to come. Are there any particular lessons or realizations you hope viewers will take away from this film?

Nancy: Our intention was for people to see a snapshot of two adoptive families and, although their adoptions are years apart, they are both dealing with the same set of complex issues. We hoped to reveal the many challenges that come with parenting an adopted child and help people to understand that it requires a different kind of parenting.  Furthermore, we wanted to encourage discussion in the adoption community, through people sharing their different perceptions of the Trainer’s and the Fero’s, and ultimately, broadening their perspective and understanding through these discussions.